Homer Gets Drunk
by Yoshizilla-Fan
Summary: All of life's problems are caused and solved by alcohol, Homer's favorite drink.
1. Chapter 1

**Homer Gets Drunk**

by Yoshizilla-Fan

* * *

Homer Simpson was at Moe's, drowning himself in booze while at the same time eating a booze filled donut.

"Geez, Homer. Haven't you had enough booze for one night?" Moe Syzslak asked him.

"Never ask him that!" Barney Gumble remarked as he burped afterward. "He can get feisty when you get between him and his donuts and his booze." he burped loudly again, passing out from being too drunk.

Fortunately for Moe, Homer was too drunk himself to hear anything.

"Too many people are getting drunk these days. That's why many men are resorting to arousal from the most unusual things." Carl Carlson stated.

"Oh shut up, you bastard." Lenny Leonard remarked, before sneaking out to do something unusual.

"I'm surprised he hasn't succumbed to the consequences of alcohol poisoning after more than 20 years." Moe stated as Homer banged an empty beer glass counter.

"Another beer, my good man!" Homer blurted, before the beer glass shattered upon impact, the shards cutting his hand. "**_D'oh!"_** Homer cursed as his hand bled all over the counter.


	2. Chapter 2

"Is your father back yet?" Marge Simpson asked in her raspy feminine voice, washing the dishes in the kitchen while Maggie Simpson loudly sucked on her pacifier. "I'm starting to get worried about him."

"I don't know. He's probably getting himself hyped up on booze again." Lisa Simpson shrugged.

Meanwhile, Bart Simpson peered outside the kitchen window, seeing Homer walking across the side of the Simpsons' household, still in a drunk state. Bart pulled the window sheets together, closing them.

"I haven't seen him either." Bart lied.

Meanwhile back at Moe's, Carl was wondering where Lenny went while Barney laid unconscious on the floor, a puddle of spilled beer next to him.

"Hey Moe, while I keep thinking about where Lenny is, do me a favor and clean up that big mess." Carl pointed to the floor. "And clean up that beer too." Carl pointed to the puddle of beer, having made a joke about Barney being a big mess while he drank a glass of beer.

"Do nothing while I do something. Not to make fun of your sexuality, but you assumed gay people are all the same." Moe sternly stated.

"You don't know that!" Carl remarked, being glad that one other thing about him wasn't made fun of or even brought up.

Meanwhile, Lenny was watching Homer walking while drunk, finding pleasure in doing so while Clancy Wiggum and his police buddies watched from inside a police car.

"Hey, shouldn't we do something about Homer? He's walking around while drunk." Lou remarked.

Clancy took a look at the drunk Homer, who accidentally banged his head on a tall lamp post, cursing in response as he fell onto the concrete, being run over by a Mercedes-Benz as he cursed further. "Ah let him go. At least he's not drinking while driving."


	3. Chapter 3

"Honey I'm home!" Homer blurted as he walked through the door, still drunk. "And I'm ready to Duff my way into you!"

"Damn it, sonny! I wanted to be dead before you made a pathetic joke! Hell I wanted to be dead before the authors of the world started making crappy fanfiction involving farting she-Homers and sassy, stinky shrooms!" Grampa Simpson cursed, feeling doomed to live through every mess that Homer would ever get himself into.

"Shut up, old man! I know where you live!" Homer blurted, losing his balance and falling to the floor as Marge, Bart and Lisa stormed into the room, with Maggie in Marge's hands.

"Homer! What the hell is wrong with you?" Marge remarked.

"He's didily-didily-drunk from didily-dadily-drinking dadily-didily Duff!" Ned Flanders stated, peering into the Simpsons' household.

"Get out of here, Flanders! This is none of your concern!" Lisa remarked.

Ned lowered his head in shame as he walked back to his house next door.

Suddenly, Homer woke up, feeling somewhat sober. "What...what happened?"

"You got drunk and then I lied about it!" Bart stated while chuckling.

"Why you little-!" Homer grabbed Bart's neck and strangled him in exasperation, with Bart making choking noises in vain.

Maggie pulled out a can of Duff brand beer from out of her blue robe, shaking it, then pointing it at Homer and opening it, the pressurized beer going into Homer's mouth, getting him drunk again, which caused him to stop strangling Bart.

"Maggie saved my life...I feel like eating my own shorts...!" Bart gasped.

"Now you're just talking crazy." Lisa remarked.

"Maggie! No getting your father drunk without my permission!" Marge remarked.

Maggie just giggled as she pulled out her pacifier and sucked on it loudly.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Lenny, where the hell were you yesterday?" Moe asked him.

"I wasn't pleasing myself with Homer being drunk if that's what your thinking." Lenny replied, nervously rolling his eyes around.

"D'oh!" Homer cursed, feeling unappreciated about his inebriety.

"All the dumb things that keep happening is definitely the beer talking!" Barney remarked, burping loudly afterward.

"And who ever heard of injecting booze in a donut?" Carl commented.

"Maybe it's the author who's really drunk around here!" Homer claimed, his finger in the air.

"Nope. It definitely all of youse." Moe stated.

Homer gulped down another beer, getting so drunk that the inside of Moe's broke apart, with Homef screaming as he fell up into the sky. Then Homer woke up, realizing that he passed out from being drunk.

"Some thing ain't ever gonna change." Lenny stated. "Except for some talking turtle who put my secret tire service out of business."


End file.
